A couple of jokes - HDS

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind
him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns
to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will
be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the
exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says,
"I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll
have the same."

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact
change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter
again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I
will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man. "Same for me,"
says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says,
"That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his
pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How
do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket
every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two
wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would
just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always
be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish
for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you
want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce,
the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the
ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers,

"My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who would
agree with everything I say."
==================================

A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is it OK for us guys to notice all the
different kind of boobs?"

Surprised, the father answers, "Well, sure son, we wouldn't be normal if we
didn't....there are all kinds of breasts...depending on a woman's age-- In
her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her
thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions, Dad?"

"Yeah, you see them and they make you cry...."

Not to be outdone, his sister asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of
weenies are there?"

The mother, delighted to have equal time, answers, "Well, daughter, a man
goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's weenie is like an
oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch,
flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yep, dried up and the balls are only there for decoration..."

--
-Doug in Utah
www.xmission.com/~sherwin/